The apartment is now looking like a human lives here as opposed to the way it looked not long ago:
Monday, March 31, 2008
Hotel Chris is now open ...
Assembled my futon tonight. You now all have a place to sleep when any of you come to visit. Although, if you come within the next 2 weeks it might be a little wooden as I haven't purchased a mattress yet. But there will be one soon, I promise!
The apartment is now looking like a human lives here as opposed to the way it looked not long ago:
The apartment is now looking like a human lives here as opposed to the way it looked not long ago:
No Title
Naw, not worth it anymore. I've resigned myself to that. I'll end up like my cousin: in her 50s, never married, hasn't dated anybody in decades. What the hell, at least then I'm not beating myself when things don't work out the way I want them to. The anxiety and the taking things too personally is waht makes the whole dating thing too much for me.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
where is the world we live in today
Well, yes, that is an ambigous title. But I've been thinking of that sort of the thing a lot, as usual.
I think I'm kind of adjusting to life here in Chicago. I do like the city a lot, at least. But, it's the
rest of life that has me looking at the reality we live in. The disconnect between people and the
difficulty that exists in meeting and forming friendships with others. The all encompasing obsession with "work" and how, because of it we, live in such an isolated existence. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but that's the perception I have. I might be wrong and it might be easier for evereone else. There has to be a better way for us to live. There is. I just don't know it. My feeling is that the way we are living is killing a large part of what actually makes us human. Like I said, maybe I'm wrong, maybe it's just me and I'm a social mutant that has a problem forming realtionships with people. Everyone else seems to have great social relationships at times. But maybe they don't and those are all very superfical relationships that contain no substance. Hey, what do I know, right? Maybe more than I think.
Ya know, I feel that lack of connection deeply. I have no sense of how others perceive me, and it bothers me. Does it bother others as much? It's bothered me since high school or maybe earlier. It's not that I want to be the "popular" guy, but it's the need to want to be wanted, to be appreciated, to be considered a part of something, to be ... human. Otherwise we're alone and adrift and it feels like there is no connection to something beyond your own internal world.
At the end of the day, which looks to be right now according to the clock, I wish people could be more honest and straighforward in their interactions with others. Does that girl actually like me? Do my co-workers consider me an asshole? Is this haircut that bad? Do I have spinach stuck between my teeth? Christ, would a little honesty kill everyone?
Here's wishing love, truth, and honesty to everyone 'cause I'm sick of the hate and the dishonesty...
Have a great week, my friends.
I think I'm kind of adjusting to life here in Chicago. I do like the city a lot, at least. But, it's the
rest of life that has me looking at the reality we live in. The disconnect between people and the
difficulty that exists in meeting and forming friendships with others. The all encompasing obsession with "work" and how, because of it we, live in such an isolated existence. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but that's the perception I have. I might be wrong and it might be easier for evereone else. There has to be a better way for us to live. There is. I just don't know it. My feeling is that the way we are living is killing a large part of what actually makes us human. Like I said, maybe I'm wrong, maybe it's just me and I'm a social mutant that has a problem forming realtionships with people. Everyone else seems to have great social relationships at times. But maybe they don't and those are all very superfical relationships that contain no substance. Hey, what do I know, right? Maybe more than I think.
Ya know, I feel that lack of connection deeply. I have no sense of how others perceive me, and it bothers me. Does it bother others as much? It's bothered me since high school or maybe earlier. It's not that I want to be the "popular" guy, but it's the need to want to be wanted, to be appreciated, to be considered a part of something, to be ... human. Otherwise we're alone and adrift and it feels like there is no connection to something beyond your own internal world.
At the end of the day, which looks to be right now according to the clock, I wish people could be more honest and straighforward in their interactions with others. Does that girl actually like me? Do my co-workers consider me an asshole? Is this haircut that bad? Do I have spinach stuck between my teeth? Christ, would a little honesty kill everyone?
Here's wishing love, truth, and honesty to everyone 'cause I'm sick of the hate and the dishonesty...
Have a great week, my friends.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
"Who Is This America Dem Speak Of Today?"
March 19th, 2008 was the 5th anniversary of the start of the
war in Iraq. I went to the PEACEFUL protest in downtown
Chicago. It was HUGE. It was a legal event and the organizers
had all the permits. So if any guvernment guys are reading this:
we did nothing wrong. It was a peaceful protest against a war
that has taken so many lives needlessly. My own political views
and actions are, and always will be, peaceful. As Gandhi said:
"Victory attained by violence is tantamount to a defeat, for it
is momentary." If things got crazy, I would have been out of
there in a second. I'm a guest in this country and my mother
always told me to be respectful when visiting, so I wasn't
going to cause or be a part of any trouble.
America was built on political activism and protest. It was born
from those fires. It has a rich history of protest: VietNam,
Civil Rights, Women's Suffrage. It goes on and on. So it was
amazing to be a part of that history. I felt I was part of the
movements that came before. These are the footsteps that
so many have previously walked.
The march began in front of Federal Plaza and wound its way
up Clark St. We marched across the Chicago River, beneath
the gigantic skyscrapers stretching upward toward the early
evening sky. People along the path flashed peace signs and
waved. It was a beautiful time. Many times I had to fight
back tears as I was so overcome by emotion. I hadn't
expected people to be so respectfull. In all honesty, I was
expecting it to be more confrontational. But it wasn't.
Then up Michigan Ave, one of the great shopping districts
in America, chanting "while you're shopping; bombs are
dropping." The police lined the sidewalks, half protecting,
half intimidating. We walked for the dead and the living.
We walked and made our voices heard. We made a
holy noise as we walked.
We passed the John Hancock Centre, a gigantic black
monolith of a building named after one of the Founding
Fathers of America. He fought the British to help forge
this country.
The cop density increased. The marched alongside us now.
Unwanted guardians.
We wound our way through the city until we got to a park.
The organizers told us this is where the official protest ended.
From here on the cops were the ones in charge.
Time to move out of the way. I did my part and now I
didn't want to be there if things got bad. I walked to the
sidewalk and watched. We had our say. There was no
reason to get arrested. That wouldn't accomplish
anything.
People milled about. Drumming started and people began
to dance in the streets.
That was enough fror the cops. Some appeared on
Segways and four-wheelers, pushing the crowds back,
blasting sirens, trying to get people out of the streets.
Then the ones in riot gear showed up. Like stormtroopers
they waited for the orders to start crushing heads. Silent.
Waiting.
Then the cops on horses appeared out of the dark to
push more people back. You could feel the tension.
What was going to happen?
Was somebody going to do something stupid?
Would it all descend into chaos?
There were too many people taking pictures and video.
It would have been a PR disaster for the police. There
was not one word hurled at them. There was not one
stone thrown. There was not one act of violence.
I chatted with people on the sidelines. People seemed
calm. Whatever tension I felt, was to others almost
non-existent. Like this was expected.
And then ... things started to die down. People moved off.
The police pulled back. It was over and nobody got hurt.
The tension disapated. And it was over.
But for 2 hours we made ourselves heard. Five years down.
How many to go?
p.s. - As an afterthought, everyone showed a lot of restraint:
the police, the protestors. It very easily could have gotten
nasty, so I applaud everyone for letting cooler heads prevail.
p.p.s-btw, the title of this post is from a song by the Afrobeat
band Antibalas. If you haven't heard of them, do yourself a
favour and check em out. Trust me.
war in Iraq. I went to the PEACEFUL protest in downtown
Chicago. It was HUGE. It was a legal event and the organizers
had all the permits. So if any guvernment guys are reading this:
we did nothing wrong. It was a peaceful protest against a war
that has taken so many lives needlessly. My own political views
and actions are, and always will be, peaceful. As Gandhi said:
"Victory attained by violence is tantamount to a defeat, for it
is momentary." If things got crazy, I would have been out of
there in a second. I'm a guest in this country and my mother
always told me to be respectful when visiting, so I wasn't
going to cause or be a part of any trouble.
America was built on political activism and protest. It was born
from those fires. It has a rich history of protest: VietNam,
Civil Rights, Women's Suffrage. It goes on and on. So it was
amazing to be a part of that history. I felt I was part of the
movements that came before. These are the footsteps that
so many have previously walked.
The march began in front of Federal Plaza and wound its way
up Clark St. We marched across the Chicago River, beneath
the gigantic skyscrapers stretching upward toward the early
evening sky. People along the path flashed peace signs and
waved. It was a beautiful time. Many times I had to fight
back tears as I was so overcome by emotion. I hadn't
expected people to be so respectfull. In all honesty, I was
expecting it to be more confrontational. But it wasn't.
Then up Michigan Ave, one of the great shopping districts
in America, chanting "while you're shopping; bombs are
dropping." The police lined the sidewalks, half protecting,
half intimidating. We walked for the dead and the living.
We walked and made our voices heard. We made a
holy noise as we walked.
We passed the John Hancock Centre, a gigantic black
monolith of a building named after one of the Founding
Fathers of America. He fought the British to help forge
this country.
The cop density increased. The marched alongside us now.
Unwanted guardians.
We wound our way through the city until we got to a park.
The organizers told us this is where the official protest ended.
From here on the cops were the ones in charge.
Time to move out of the way. I did my part and now I
didn't want to be there if things got bad. I walked to the
sidewalk and watched. We had our say. There was no
reason to get arrested. That wouldn't accomplish
anything.
People milled about. Drumming started and people began
to dance in the streets.
That was enough fror the cops. Some appeared on
Segways and four-wheelers, pushing the crowds back,
blasting sirens, trying to get people out of the streets.
Then the ones in riot gear showed up. Like stormtroopers
they waited for the orders to start crushing heads. Silent.
Waiting.
Then the cops on horses appeared out of the dark to
push more people back. You could feel the tension.
What was going to happen?
Was somebody going to do something stupid?
Would it all descend into chaos?
There were too many people taking pictures and video.
It would have been a PR disaster for the police. There
was not one word hurled at them. There was not one
stone thrown. There was not one act of violence.
I chatted with people on the sidelines. People seemed
calm. Whatever tension I felt, was to others almost
non-existent. Like this was expected.
And then ... things started to die down. People moved off.
The police pulled back. It was over and nobody got hurt.
The tension disapated. And it was over.
But for 2 hours we made ourselves heard. Five years down.
How many to go?
p.s. - As an afterthought, everyone showed a lot of restraint:
the police, the protestors. It very easily could have gotten
nasty, so I applaud everyone for letting cooler heads prevail.
p.p.s-btw, the title of this post is from a song by the Afrobeat
band Antibalas. If you haven't heard of them, do yourself a
favour and check em out. Trust me.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Deep Dish
Had my first Chicago Deep Dish pizza today. Now I need a nap.
It's a lotttttt of dough. It's a pizza that makes no sense either: thick thick crust, then cheese, then toppings, then sauce. Crazy Americans....
It's a lotttttt of dough. It's a pizza that makes no sense either: thick thick crust, then cheese, then toppings, then sauce. Crazy Americans....
Friday, March 14, 2008
dogs
There are dogs everywhere in this city. Literally everywhere. I've never seen so many dogs before. It may actually be a prerequisite to living in Lincoln Park. Expensive car? Check. Blonde hair? Check. Faux Irish Pub? Check. Dog? Check.
Weird...
Weird...
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Darjeeling Limited
Ok, I'm starting a new thing: movie reviews. Since I can't be with friends in TO to watch movies with, then I can at least make some suggestion based on stuff I've seen.
"Darjeeling Limited"
Dir.: Wes Anderson
If you like Wes Anderson's previous movis ("Rushmore", "The Life Aquatic", "Bottle Rocket", "The Royal Tenenbaums") odds are good you'll like this. It's not as comedic as his others, that's not to say this isn't a funny movie, it's very funny, but it has a different weight to it. It's his most melancholic, I suppose. Anderson has built a career on making quirky, dysfunctional-character driven, visually inventive movies, and this continues the trend.
It's the story of 3 estranged brothers (Owen Wilson, Adrian Brody, and Jsaon Schwartzman) who meet in India to go ona spiritual journey to rekindle their relationship. From the start, it's obvious they all carry baggage, baggage made manifest by the old luggage left to them by their dead father. This baggage haunts them and follows them around on their journey throughout the movie. They are all running from something (new family, old girlfriend, themselves) to something else which they can't identify, and ultimately towards somebody who has shaped who they have become and much of their pain (I won't give it away...). Each of them is complex and their relationship to one another as brothers is equally complex. They haven't spoken to each other for a year, since their father's funeral, or seen their mother since before then either. Yeh, they got issues....
The movie is as much about the 3 brothers as it is a sort of love letter to India and all it's elements. In many of Anderson's movies he constructs these minutely detailed, beautifully coloured, quirky set pieces. Well, that's India and so the setting seems appropriate. Anderson, apparently, claims this movie has been influenced by Jean Renoir's Indian movie "The River" and Indian director/writer Sanjit Roy's films and stories. And you feel it. The country breathes and lives in the space around these 3 Americans in their jackets and slacks. It permeates every inch of their environment and it makes the viewer see it as more than a backdrop for a movie. This movie could not have been set anywhere else.
Train rides always seem like metaphors for life to me, so I think see what Anderson is trying to do with this film: as the train (the Darjeeling Limited) moves along, the brothers deal with their issues, have adventures, and learn about themselves and each other on the journey, resolving much in the end, or at least learning enough about how to deal with one another. That's life. The metaphor is highlighted late in the movie when you see all the characters in the movie sitting in separate compartments on the train, even though many of them aren't on the literal train. And, like life, it isn't a nice well-paced narrative either. This movie is a bit of a shambling mess, lurching along at its own pace. That's life too.
It's heartbreaking, it's reaffirming, it's funny. It's quintessential Wes Anderson. And that's good because he's one of the most original American directors working today.
"Darjeeling Limited"
Dir.: Wes Anderson
If you like Wes Anderson's previous movis ("Rushmore", "The Life Aquatic", "Bottle Rocket", "The Royal Tenenbaums") odds are good you'll like this. It's not as comedic as his others, that's not to say this isn't a funny movie, it's very funny, but it has a different weight to it. It's his most melancholic, I suppose. Anderson has built a career on making quirky, dysfunctional-character driven, visually inventive movies, and this continues the trend.
It's the story of 3 estranged brothers (Owen Wilson, Adrian Brody, and Jsaon Schwartzman) who meet in India to go ona spiritual journey to rekindle their relationship. From the start, it's obvious they all carry baggage, baggage made manifest by the old luggage left to them by their dead father. This baggage haunts them and follows them around on their journey throughout the movie. They are all running from something (new family, old girlfriend, themselves) to something else which they can't identify, and ultimately towards somebody who has shaped who they have become and much of their pain (I won't give it away...). Each of them is complex and their relationship to one another as brothers is equally complex. They haven't spoken to each other for a year, since their father's funeral, or seen their mother since before then either. Yeh, they got issues....
The movie is as much about the 3 brothers as it is a sort of love letter to India and all it's elements. In many of Anderson's movies he constructs these minutely detailed, beautifully coloured, quirky set pieces. Well, that's India and so the setting seems appropriate. Anderson, apparently, claims this movie has been influenced by Jean Renoir's Indian movie "The River" and Indian director/writer Sanjit Roy's films and stories. And you feel it. The country breathes and lives in the space around these 3 Americans in their jackets and slacks. It permeates every inch of their environment and it makes the viewer see it as more than a backdrop for a movie. This movie could not have been set anywhere else.
Train rides always seem like metaphors for life to me, so I think see what Anderson is trying to do with this film: as the train (the Darjeeling Limited) moves along, the brothers deal with their issues, have adventures, and learn about themselves and each other on the journey, resolving much in the end, or at least learning enough about how to deal with one another. That's life. The metaphor is highlighted late in the movie when you see all the characters in the movie sitting in separate compartments on the train, even though many of them aren't on the literal train. And, like life, it isn't a nice well-paced narrative either. This movie is a bit of a shambling mess, lurching along at its own pace. That's life too.
It's heartbreaking, it's reaffirming, it's funny. It's quintessential Wes Anderson. And that's good because he's one of the most original American directors working today.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
U2
Oddly enough, I haven't been listening to very much music since I arrived. I dunno why.
But I do know that U2 always makes me feel better when I'm feeling done. They maybe maudline and pretenious at times, but they can write a dman good song.
But I do know that U2 always makes me feel better when I'm feeling done. They maybe maudline and pretenious at times, but they can write a dman good song.
Monday, March 10, 2008
the job
I've been away from this type of work for ~8 months now. There's so much to remember and now even more to learn. It's pretty overhwhelming, and now I'm starting to get these needling doubts of whether I can do all this. I mean, intelectually, I know I can do it given the right set of circumstances in which to learn it, but it's still easy to get overloaded and panic. We'll see how it goes. It's going to take time for me to get up to speed and beyond I'm sure, but as usuall I will put more pressure on myself than others will put on me.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
this weekend
Ok,people in this city seem pretty nice. Fuck the stereotype of the rude American. People here are open to talk to you. You make a bit of an effort and people will engage you. Take that, Toronto.
Run down of the weekend:
- Friday night went out for drinks with people from work (manager and another physicist). Mmm, foreign policy and Lefties, good bunch.
- Saturday night went to a comedy/sketch/variety show in which couple of the guys from Drinking Liberally are in. Mmmm, Leftie politics again, again good bunch.
- Sunday afternoon went to the Oilers vs the Blackhawks with some people from the Canada Club and the Ex-pat meetup.com group. Oilers won in overtime! Most of the people are actually American but WTH!
- Sunday night was trad Irish music at The Galway. Always a goo dway to finish off the weekend.
I think I did more this weekend than I usually did in 3 weekends in Toronto. Plus I read 2 paers for work and did laundry. Shit, I need another weekend to recover.....
Run down of the weekend:
- Friday night went out for drinks with people from work (manager and another physicist). Mmm, foreign policy and Lefties, good bunch.
- Saturday night went to a comedy/sketch/variety show in which couple of the guys from Drinking Liberally are in. Mmmm, Leftie politics again, again good bunch.
- Sunday afternoon went to the Oilers vs the Blackhawks with some people from the Canada Club and the Ex-pat meetup.com group. Oilers won in overtime! Most of the people are actually American but WTH!
- Sunday night was trad Irish music at The Galway. Always a goo dway to finish off the weekend.
I think I did more this weekend than I usually did in 3 weekends in Toronto. Plus I read 2 paers for work and did laundry. Shit, I need another weekend to recover.....
WTF am I doing here?
I'm going to be 37 in a few months. WTF am I doing here?
I've spent most of my life either studying or in jobs I knew were only temporary, with no semblance of a real life. I'm tired of that and want to settle down. Plant some roots. I thought that was beginning to happen in Toronto. In all honesty, it was the first time in my life I was happy. So, why did I think I had to uproot myself and begin again, again? Am I going to be 40 before my life starts to fall into place? I'm so sick of being alone all the time and not having a community around me. Christ.....
Don't get me wrong; the city is great and so are the people. It's just that I've left behind everyone I've ever cared about for seemingly selfish reasons. This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but everyone thinks I made the right decision. Why can't I see that?
I suppose I'm too close to the situation. Blinded and overwhelmed by the moment.
ergh, ok. Enough for now.
I've spent most of my life either studying or in jobs I knew were only temporary, with no semblance of a real life. I'm tired of that and want to settle down. Plant some roots. I thought that was beginning to happen in Toronto. In all honesty, it was the first time in my life I was happy. So, why did I think I had to uproot myself and begin again, again? Am I going to be 40 before my life starts to fall into place? I'm so sick of being alone all the time and not having a community around me. Christ.....
Don't get me wrong; the city is great and so are the people. It's just that I've left behind everyone I've ever cared about for seemingly selfish reasons. This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but everyone thinks I made the right decision. Why can't I see that?
I suppose I'm too close to the situation. Blinded and overwhelmed by the moment.
ergh, ok. Enough for now.
Friday, March 7, 2008
overwhelmed
New job. New apartment. New city. New way of doing things.
I am overwhelmed without any means, other than my own will, to deal with this. I have nobody here I can confide in or turn to. It is easily the scariest shit I've ever done in my life. I'm so far out of my comfort zone, I can barely deal with it.
It's like I took my life, completely rearranged it, and am left to deal with the new pieces without a clue on how to go about it. Actually, that's exactly how things are.
Close to a freak-out now....breath, breath, breath.
I am overwhelmed without any means, other than my own will, to deal with this. I have nobody here I can confide in or turn to. It is easily the scariest shit I've ever done in my life. I'm so far out of my comfort zone, I can barely deal with it.
It's like I took my life, completely rearranged it, and am left to deal with the new pieces without a clue on how to go about it. Actually, that's exactly how things are.
Close to a freak-out now....breath, breath, breath.
finally
My phone and internet is hooked up. I am now re-wired with the world.
First week is almost done and this is my 2nd week anniversary in Chicago. I'm liking the city a lot, but not being able to hang with the 160 crew is still very much bothering me. Drinking wine, chatting, watching movies, etc at ATM's. Ah, family.
I have to try to make it out to something this weekend to meet people.
First week is almost done and this is my 2nd week anniversary in Chicago. I'm liking the city a lot, but not being able to hang with the 160 crew is still very much bothering me. Drinking wine, chatting, watching movies, etc at ATM's. Ah, family.
I have to try to make it out to something this weekend to meet people.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
diversity
One of the most striking differences between Chicago and any other city in Canada is the number of African-Americans and Mexican-Americans here. The city is ~40% African-American actually! There are Mexican restaurants everywhere. I ate one of the best vegie burritos I've evr had a few days ago. On the Southside, Soul Food restaurants dot the cityscape.
It adds a whole other level of diversity that we don't see in Canada. It's another thing that makes this feel like another country.
Camille's aliens should visit ....
It adds a whole other level of diversity that we don't see in Canada. It's another thing that makes this feel like another country.
Camille's aliens should visit ....
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
first day
First day at work done. It wasn't too bad. It's going to be a challenge but I think I can do it. Hell, when haven't I been able to do something that required my brain? Still, it's very daunting. Things are different in this department and much smaller scale. I have to do a lot of reviewing to remember things from months ago. I do not plan on doing this job half-assed. It's full-assed or not at all....
But I survived day 1.
But I survived day 1.
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