i'm defintielyt losing my mind.
this work is killing me. i hoenstly
dont know how much more of this i can
take.
really, in all hoensty, without a shade
fo bullshit, i am very close to cashing in
any stocks i have, selling everythig ic an,
quiting this motherfuckin damn piece of shit
way fo life and moving back to bridgetwon.
i can't fuckin go on like this anymore. i
have no life anymore at all. i can't deal
with this anymore. i'm not making any progress
at work even though i try harder than i ever
have before. the only rational explanation is
that i'm just not smart enoght to do this job.
therefopre the only logical rational endpoitn
is to quit.
i've had it. i don;'t want ot live like this.
i really don't.....
and fuck you if you thinkgi'm just whiniung!
juyst fuck you! fuck you fuck you!
i'm tired of wsting my fuckin life killing
mysleg at a fuckin job! fuck you! fuycjkk you!
fuck you fuck you fuck you cufkc you fuck you fuck
you fuck you!
fuck me.,
5 comments:
let's run away together to Ireland and open a bar and I can write and be famous. only catch is that Ethel has to come too
sounds like a good idea actually....we can smuggle ethel in.
yesterday was a really bad day for me mentally. i didn't get a chance to eat until 10pm and then only shitty 7-11 food.
i fuckin hate this....
I'm not there. I'm not living it and I don't really know what it's like. I can't tell you what to do. It seems that the job will take as much of you as you let it. There is no end to that until you say that's enough. Is it possible to set your priorities as you need them, regular meals, some social time, etc., and fit the job in around that? You have a fear that something bad would happen if you didn't work all the time. You perceive an unspoken expectation of all work and no life. What if you just made certain things which are important to you a priority? What if instead of thinking about the bad reactions you might get, you assumed people understood that you are a regular human being and you need meals and some rest and so you acted accordingly? Where I work there are eight core competencies. One is called personal effectiveness and flexibility. Within the description are things such as "recognizes and responds to early signs of burnout in self and others" and "models an appropriate life/work balance that is responsive to personal and organizational needs". These are management principles that are taught in business schools all over the world. Finding the appropriate balance for yourself is expected and necessary for your long term success. Probably the people where you work will let you work until you drop and then they might wheel you over to the mental ward. Maybe if you organize your life in a way that lets you be happy and makes you more effective in the long term they will recognize that is smart and they will fully accept that. Generally, if you just act as if that's perfectly normal and that's the way it should be, you can do whatever (within reason) and no one will question it.
I hope you can find a balance that works for you and just implement it. Whatever is the worst that can happen is probably not that bad. On the other hand, the way you're going, doesn't sound good.
May you find the confidence to live your life the way you want to. I know it's in you my friend.
DL
thanks, DL.
always good advice from you, my friend...
yes, i do need to find balance. the unfortunate thing is that nobody else here has it either by the looks of it. none of the other physicists bat an eye when i say i was working on the weekend or didn't get out until 10pm, cause that's what some of them do too, especially the head guy.
it IS what is expected of us: to work as much and as long as possible to get the work done. i've already been talked to about not getting up to speed as quickly as is expected...twice now, i think.
i know other parts of life should be more of a priority. but it's not realistic in this job at this hospital. the only thing to do is get incredibly efficient and good at all aspects of the job immediately ... or plot my escape....
Hey Chris...hum...seems we need to talk ASAP...please call me as I don't have your new number. Ali
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